Ah was too slow fer the city.
But ah really didn't mind.
Ah moved to the country,
Leavin the city behind.

Got me a job at a dude ranch,
Where city slickers like to go.
Told stories bout the wild west,
Shovelled shit instead of snow.

Ah told them all good stories,
Round the campfire of course.
They called me a greenhorn,
Cause Ah never rode a horse.

Ah'm just an ole city slicker,
Trying to relax and unwind.
Ah tell a few campfire stories,
And drink my self half blind.

They say move back to the city.
And they're right of course.
Ah may be still wet behind mah ears,
But it's because Ah ROWED a horse.

No pickup trucks were stolen, no dogs got killed, and no divorces occurred during the writing or singing of this song.