Moncton Forum

The Real Reason Straight Americans Can’t Accept Gay Americans

As gay people, most of us have had to deal with the unrelenting hatred, prejudice and fear by some homophobic heterosexual Americans who can’t accept homosexual Americans.

Please note, that I am not talking about ALL straight Americans, just those who do their darndest to make our lives miserable.

Many people quote the Bible as their reason for gay bias, denying us respect, acceptance and basic human rights, going against what America AND Jesus Christ is all about. But the funny thing is, I believe that the reason they cannot accept us is because of a very primitive, childish and emotional reaction that has nothing to do with the Bible.

On really a basic, primal level, homophobic heterosexual men can’t accept gay men because we are not like them. And the root of the issue is the childhood ridicule and scorn taught by society against any perceived weakness and femininity.

What is really behind the arrogant, self-righteous, smug, mouth foaming, and red eyed craziness against gay people and gay men in particular?

It all starts in the 1st grade.

Boys learn to make fun of each other at an early age. Young boys also teach each other that they are better than girls, so anything feminine is not as good as anything masculine. This they all learn from observing adults, media, sports and action heroes. Various and subtle degrees of misogyny abound in America, encouraged and accepted by men and women.

The root is really anti-feminist…anything to do with females. Men are strong, women are weak. Men are leaders, women are followers. Men have intellectual discourse, women just gossip. Men are aggressive, women are passive.

But what about passive men and aggressive women?

This is also why men insult each other with female references. And we've all heard that coaches and drill sargeants humiliate their members by calling them "Girls", "Ladies" and "Pussies"; emasculating them to make them weaker and easier to control while making themselves appear stronger. Of course, "Faggots" is the next term stepped up.

Even gay men use words like "Girlfriend", "Princess" or "Queen" when talking about each other.

Boys learn to get at each other by making accusations that another boy is “like a girl”…and since “girls kiss boys” then to be gay is to be “a boy who kisses another boy”. Yechhh! The ultimate put down and threat to any boy’s identity, masculinity and social standing. Young boys are running scared that someone will find a reason to make them an outcast, and if they are branded gay, the entire school will turn against them and make their lives miserable with taunts and name calling. And we all know how boys love finding and picking on other kids. It's fun and funny and makes boys look tough, and no one is going to pick on you if you're the one doing the picking on. So each boy starts their own long campaign, whether consciously or subconsciously, to go against anything that might make them look weak…and this carries over into how they talk, what they wear, what sport they play, and eventually to what they believe, who they vote for, and how they treat people including their own families.

From the start, American boys are taught to fear this type of ridicule. No boy wants to be perceived as weak. So the fear of not being masculine enough is smashed over each boy’s head, (reinforced by every family member, adult, and peer). Any sign of femininity is a blaring siren that this boy is a“sissy ”.

And the most important element to note...is that boys and men teach each other in their personal interactions with jokes, remarks, accusations and hostility...that being gay is repulsive and something to be ashamed of.

This is where it all comes from: Each other.

So begins the “masculinization” of every American boy. That boy now has to learn the ways of manhood. Not REAL manhood…but doing things to appear “manly”. Things that Americans have decided are manly: aggression, pride, arrogance, intolerance, cursing, competing, fighting, fag bashing, chasing women, toughness, excess, revenge, wildness, stubborness, never looking weak, having an answer for everything, always being right and never admitting you're wrong, etc.

(This is also why the world would be a better place if it was run by women! Men are way too emotional!)

This is true for all manner of American groups containing men, whether in sport teams, gangs, unions, companies, law firms, fraternities, colleges...men are expected to behave like REAL men.

But some men say, "Hey, it's testosterone man, testosterone...I can't help it, I was born this way!" Hey, and that's fine with me...but then why will you refuse to believe us when we say we were born gay?

Christian men are different...churches attempt to teach their men to live more like Christ: more gentle, more honest, with more integrity and an emphasis on leadership. But machismo still exists and sneaks into the "Christian Man". So, we get loud aggressive Christian leaders who think they know everything, and who act like they're God's right hand man. (Humbleness is one of those traits that is somehow overlooked, because it is a sign of weakness.)

But society still believes that boys will be boys. Anything boys do...is charming.

"Boys who love boys are gay"... so the average boy in America learns they can’t get TOO CLOSE to other boys. Boys can only love girls. Men cannot show or have affection with each other. Straight male society can only relate to each other through straight approved activities and since real men can't love other men, then they have to fight, compete, kill and conquer...even while playing together. Even if the game is intellectual like chess or video games...there is still violence without the violence...someone has to win...because losers are weak. Passive. Feminine. Pussy. Pansy. Gay.

Women can make close friendships with other women, but straight men CAN'T get too close to other straight men.
There are a lot of lonely straight men out there. Because to get close to another man is well…being gay! So independence and self-reliance is better than depending on another man, because there is always that competition and fear of looking weak. It is easier to keep up the facade when no one knows you too well. And when men get together they talk about girls, sex, sports, cars, gadgets, tools, the stock market, politics, facts and figures...etc. Men are always trying to impress each other...boasting about their accomplishments and achievements to appear stronger, smarter, tougher, richer and better...to each other.  Notice that I said "appear".

But for two men to share their feelings, struggles, failures or sadness with each other…is well…way too gay...a sign of feminine weakness.

Some Christian men HAVEN'T gotten wind that in the Bible, David and Jonathan cried in each others arms, kissing each other because they had to separate. (1 Samuel 20:41) And yes, I'm talking about King David, who was chosen by God to rule His people. Hmmm.

I have heard there are a few Bible translators who just can't deal with this scenario of affection between the two men. The Living Bible in 1971, translated that David and Jonathan "sadly shook hands, tears running down their cheeks". SHOOK HANDS? Are you kidding me? And the new version: "Both of them were in tears as they embraced each other and said good-bye" - New Living Translation. 1996, leaving out the kissing altogether! Or yet another, "And then they kissed one another and wept, friend over friend" - The Message. 1993. Let's make it VERY clear, shall we?

For straight men to show love, affection, appreciation, admiration, friendliness, concern or care...is to be feminine…to be avoided because, “REAL MEN DON’T DO THAT”. The fear of being branded gay is so strong, that men will do and say anything to prove they are not “feminine” which includes having prejudice against a man who is perceived feminine. They beat us up so they can look butch! No girly man here.

But of course, for straight men...touching, cuddling and engaging in sex with another male is disgusting to them. That is REALLY the BIG reason. Hey, no problem, dude. I get it. I ain't forcing you to do anything. It's a free country! But just because I'm not interested in heterosexual sex doesn't mean I want to eradicate heterosexuals from existence. I acknowledge that people are different, and because of Jesus Christ, have the right to live and worship God happily...even if I'm NOT like them.

Many American men today are hyper-masculine. They work, fight, play, succeed, drink...to excess…to belong to that class of manly Americans. Power suits, power meetings, power lifts, power drinks, power lunches, power drills, power steering... It’s a bird, it’s a plane, It’s Superman!

In Europe, many straight men can cook. It is a great thing to be able to welcome people and prepare a meal that everyone loves. But in America, cooking is a woman’s job. (Except for outdoor grilling which, because of fire and raw meat, conjours up images of cavemen. "Move over ladies...this is a man's job.")

Real men, just sit there and eat. They don’t even help clean up the dishes because it's woman’s work. But what really is happening is, they are ruled by their fear of looking weak, so somehow even the act of NOT doing the dishes, is a message to all, "I AM A MAN... I DON'T DO DISHES!" Men are kings, waited on by their servants…their mothers, wives, girlfriends and daughters.

There is a subliminal and subtle prejudice of anything feminine.
Of course the hatred for transgender folks is even worse. Men who appear as women are looked on with laughter and ridicule, yet women who look like men are not even noticed. Women with short hair, flat shoes, slacks...are practical. Less feminine is good, more masculine is better.

They believe that all gay men are effeminate, that is why they are surprised when they find out that someone they know is gay, because in their minds..."he doesn't act gay". Act gay? What does that mean? Does every straight man act like a WWF Wrestler? No. They don't realize that most gay men are just like them with no affectations, no lisps, and no swinging hips.

They just can't stand the idea of a feminine man.

These same insecure boys grow up to become lawyers, politicians, preachers and ministers and use their power unapologetically to attack us and get other people to attack us. It's the good ole boy behavior, the boy’s club that keeps alive gay prejudice. Besides, it confirms to their wives, girlfriends, buddies, and co-workers that, "I'm not gay! I'm so NOT gay that I will make laws to make gays miserable."

They work in high places to take away basic human rights from us GLBT people. The ultimate male control...to make laws against us to keep us in line. It’s easy to bash a minority that no one supports. Gay jokes get guaranteed laughs and make you the hit of the party. And of course to sympathize with gay people might mean YOU are really GAY…so best to shut up.

Childish, immature, unjust, uncivilized and barbaric, but “who cares, as long as I look straight!"

And why are so many Americans so smug about their arrogance towards GLBT bias? Because they have people who agree with them. A mob. A mob who pats them on the back for throwing rocks at us, laughing all the way. America is ruled by the "herd mentality". If you don't think like us, then you must be one of them!

And what about some American heterosexual women?

Well some homophobic women may not accept gay men for another reason. We are not available to them. How many times have women learned that a man they were attracted to was gay, only to retort from their bruised egos, “What a waste!”

And I once heard a woman who encountered a group of gay men, say in astonishment…“I felt invisible. No one paid any attention to me!” She was prejudiced because she was sexually ignored!

But most homophobic women can't accept gay people because of the same reason that straight homophobic men can't accept gay people; because we are not like them and do not participate in their same games and rituals. And since we don't do the things that they do, they can't understand us...we are different. We are aliens. We are against nature.

But why would some women object?

Women may like that men are more feminine: kinder, gentler, more understanding... at the same time, they perceive feminine men to be weak. And it is one thing to be friends with a feminine man and another thing to marry a feminine man.

Again the perception is weakness. They want their man STRONG. And if anyone is going to be feminine, it will be them, not other men. Some people want their boundaries well defined and gay men and women blur that line.

But there are exceptions of many women who ARE accepting of gay men because many of us think more like them. They can relate and talk to us, while many women can't talk to their own husbands or boyfriends because for men, talking about feelings is well...too sensitive and too feminine.

For awhile there, it was great that girls were like guys. Tomboys were fun and just like one of the guys. But now that America has gotten wind that some women who dress and act like guys might be lesbian…"Well that’s different".

Some straight men have sexual fantasies about lipstick lesbians…so why is there no problem there? But then again, is it perhaps that lesbians are not interested in straight men? Or because they find that some lesbians are better at doing things than they are? There are some lesbians who can not only fix a sink, but win a kickboxing tournament.

And of course, heterosexual couples are against gay people because well, if they have a child who might be gay, they won’t have grandchildren, depriving them of their fantasy family life as well as bringing shame to them and their good name. Having a gay child is an embarrassment.

So because it doesn’t work to their advantage, we are despised. We are harassed and denied rights because there are NO BENEFITS for them. They don't have any reason to support us because basically, they don't get anything in return. Why bother with gay people. "What's in it for me?" That is why they won't condone the "gay lifestyle". (As if we need their approval to be ourselves.) And because we do not physically participate in the heterosexual way to make a family...they accuse us of being AGAINST the family! Ridiculous.

And to have a gay child is the ultimate humiliation for them. The parents of the gay child go into their own closet because they will lose their place in their club. “What will the neighbors think?” Of course the father blames the mother because their child is gay, she must have feminized the child. “It's your fault that he's a mama's boy!” Or the father blames himself for a gay son..."I should have played more ball with him when he was young." (Like playing ball makes a child straight?)

We are an embarrassment to our self-centered parents. And some parents kick their own child out of the family, because we make them look bad. "No child of mine, could be gay!"

So, why do homophobic Americans hate us? Because they selfishly are protecting their own interests and that involves destroying ours. Because we are not like them, they dismiss our lives, doing everything they can to keep us out of their schools, neighborhoods, work places and churches, making rules, regulations and laws to make sure we stay out.

Much of it is based on fear, that if we gay people have our way, we will somehow take over, and surround them, and there will no longer be a straight world! Well calm down, there is and will always be plenty of straight people to keep the world going. No one is trying to take anything away from you. We respect straight society, straight marriage and the biological family. But we just want to be included, respected and allowed to live peacefully and with integrity, without the fear of being gawked at, judged, bashed and denied our humanity...continously.

The same prejudice used against Blacks and Jews and other minorities...is still alive in us GLBT people. Americans have progressed some in civil rights…but are we really that far ahead or just more clever in how we hide our prejudices?

Of course homophobic Christians deny that it has anything to do with that. They shout that homosexuality is against God, against the Bible, it is not natural, yada, yada.

"The Bible is CLEAR...homosexuality is a SIN!"

Well, I say..."The Bible is VERY CLEAR...“Do not judge, so that you may not be judged. For with the judgment you make you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get."- Matthew 7:1-2

Whatever their reasoning...they are practicing prejudice, stereotyping, bias and bashing, which is something Jesus Christ (in the Bible) taught against! They can't seem to see that they're breaking Jesus' basic teachings by judging us, looking down on us, making us outcasts and ganging up against us just as the Pharisees treated people they viewed as "sinners." These Christians all say they are following Jesus, but they conveniently forget that Jesus welcomed all these outcasts without reservations.  Jesus spent not His ministry screaming at "sinners", but loving and accepting them. It was the Pharisees He screamed at for the way they perverted God's message, judging all those around them and making God unattainable, yet they themselves living in gross hypocrisy.

A Christian man today is even thought to have integrity by standing up against the perceived sin of gay people. Such a man is branded righteous. They practice “righteous prejudice.”

There is on record the unnamed televangelist (who was caught with a prostitute and asked for forgiveness) stated that he would KILL any gay man who approached him. Real Christian behavior from a “Man of God” who proudly admits he will break one of the Ten Commandments of God and think that God will justify it.

Many homophobic straight Christians justify their discrimination saying WE are disobeying God, but if they are so against us because we are breaking the commandments of God, why are they not using that same fury and rage towards their own brands of immorality?

Teenagers are having non-stop premarital sex, there is a 50% divorce rate, 50% (or more) cheating rate. Adult sex runs rampant in our society as a healthy way to find each other's soul mate and I don't hear any "Focus on Family" groups screaming about that or making laws to make unwed sex a crime or laws to stop divorce (the real danger to marriage) or even laws to ban porn from the internet or sex and violence on TV. Why? Because that would mean all their friends, families, co-workers, pastors and church members would be in their line of attack. And that would make them VERY UNPOPULAR. And no one wants to make premarital sex, divorce or remarrying against the law, because...what if their own marriage doesn't work out? Or their teenage kid might get caught having sex with another teen...and I know every red-blooded American male, Christian or nonChristian...takes an occasional peek at internet porn...and what would we watch if they stopped all the killing, sex and adultery on our soap operas and TV shows...so...we'll just keep our mouths shut about lust, fornication, adultery, remarrying and divorce. Besides, "God will forgive me and my family, we're Christians."

But homosexuals...they're an abomination to God!

So the real reason that homophobic people can’t relate to us is because we are not like them, we are a small minority…so therefore…we are NOT normal but perverse.  They stick to their convictions and justify their prejudice, yet the average American doesn’t even know ANY gay person personally.

We are the BOOGIE MAN. The new punching bag.

They believe the stereotypes about us and make judgments and think God supports them. They have embraced bias, prejudice, injustice and vote on laws preventing gay people any rights to happiness going against what America stands for: the pursuit of happiness...liberty and justice for all...unless you are gay.

The church has become the leader in its fight to destroy the lives of gay people because we are the enemy. Somehow now, according to another famous Christian televangelist…we are the cause of terrorist attacks, tsunamis, earthquakes, and floods!!!

Really?! Wow, who knew we had so much power!

But then I hear that these loudmouthed televangelists don't represent the feelings of the majority of Christians, but if this is true...why DON'T they speak up about it? They are tight lipped not wanting to offend their own, but in the course they have offended and ostracized the gay community, an entire population of people who need Jesus Christ.

No one wants to side with gay people because others might THINK they are gay, sinful, or a supporter of sinful people, but again I will say...Jesus was a supporter of sinful people...ALL OF US, gay, straight or otherwise.

And they are so proud to be Americans. America the land where you can be yourself and not be persecuted...and then they persecute us.

So I say to those Christian Americans who justify their cold, judgmental and unrighteous behavior towards us, I will remind them of the words of Jesus: "...'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.' " - Matthew 25:40

So though most American Christians pride themselves as being moral, fair-minded, intelligent and godly people of integrity; they are really running on their prejudices, fears and insecurities, stroking their egocentric sense of superiority and manipulated by peer pressure more than they are on Jesus Christ, who taught that prejudice of any kind has no place in the life of any humble servant of God.

© 2006 Edrick