|
|
Joke Thread
Last post 07-20-2008, 7:18 PM by Paladin. 96 replies.
-
09-07-2006, 12:56 PM |
|
-
Paladin
-
-
Moderator in Residence
-
Posts 7,725
-

|
Old People Never Die, They Just...
OLD ACADEMICS never die, they just lose their faculties OLD ACCOUNTANTS never die, they just lose their balance OLD ACCOUNTS never die, they are deleted OLD ACTORS never die, they just drop a part OLD ALCAHOLICS/DRUG ADDICTS never die, they just get wasted OLD ANTHROPOLOGISTS never die, they just become history OLD ARCHERS never die, they just bow and quiver OLD ARCHITECTS never die, they just lose their structures OLD ASSETS never die, they just depreciate OLD ASTRONAUTS never die, they just go to another world OLD ATOMS never die, they just decay
OLD BANKERS never die, they just lose interest OLD BANKERS never die, they just want to be a loan OLD BASEBALL PLAYERS never die, they just go batty OLD BASEBALL PLAYERS never die, they just run their last lap OLD BASKETBALL players never die, they just go on dribbling OLD BEEKEEPERS never die, they just buzz off OLD BIKERS never die, but they're hard on tires OLD BLONDES never fade, they just dye away OLD BOOKKEEPERS never die, they just lose their figures OLD BOOKS never die, they just go out-of-print OLD BOWLERS never die, they just end up in the gutter OLD BRAKES never die, they just grind down OLD BRICKLAYERS never die, they’re just too busy making a kiln OLD BRIDGE PLAYERS never die, they just lose their finesse OLD BRIDGE PLAYERS never die, they just sit around on their fat aces OLD BUDGETS never die, they are fillibustered OLD BUREAUCRATS never die, they just waste away OLD BURGLARS never die, they just steal away OLD BUSINESSES never die, they just get consolidated
OLD CANNERS never die, they are preserved OLD CARD PLAYERS never die, they just lose their tricks OLD CARS never die, they just get run into the ground OLD CASHIERS never die, they just check out OLD CHAUFFEURS never die, they just lose their drive OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just do it inorganically OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just fail to react OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just lose their refluxes OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just reach equilibrium OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just smell that way OLD CLEANING PEOPLE never die, they just kick the bucket OLD COMPOSERS never die, they just decompose OLD COMPUTER PEOPLE never die, they just lose their memory OLD COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS never die, their computers have Fatal Errors OLD COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS never die, they just byte the dust OLD COOKS never die, they just get deranged OLD COURIERS never die, they just keep on EXPRESSing it OLD CREDIT CARDS never die, they just expire OLD CRICKETERS never die, they just get bowled over OLD CRICKETERS never die, they just get smashed for six
OLD DANCERS never die, they just step away OLD DAREDEVILS never die, they just get discouraged OLD DEANS never die, they just lose their faculties OLD DENTISTS never die, they just lose their pull OLD DIETERS never die, they just waist away OLD DIVERS never die, they just extend their bottom time OLD DIVERS never die, they just get board OLD DOCTORS never die, they just lose their patience OLD DRYWALLERS never die, they just hang around
OLD EDITORS never die, they just go out of print OLD ELECTRICAL ENGINEERS never die, they just have slower rise times OLD ELECTRICIANS never die, they just do it until it Herz OLD ELECTRICIANS never die, they just lose contact OLD ENERGIZER BUNNIES never die, they go on, and on, and on... OLD ENGLISH MAJORS do it with Strunk and White OLD ENVIRONMENTALISTS never die, they are just recycled OLD ESKIMOES never die, they just get cold feet OLD EXORCISTS never die, they just give up the ghost
OLD FARMERS never die, they just go to seed OLD FARMERS never die, they just spade away OLD FATHERS never die, they just become grandfathers OLD FISHERMEN never die, their rods just go limp OLD FISHERMEN never die, they just get reel tired OLD FISHERMEN never die, they just smell that way OLD FOOTBALL PLAYERS never die, they just go to the end zone OLD FOOTBALL PLAYERS never die, they just kick off OLD FOOTBALLERS never die, they just kick the bucket OLD FORESTERS never die, they just pine away OLD FRIDGE REPAIRMEN never die, they just blow their cool OLD FROGS never die, they just croak OLD FRUIT never die, it just pear-ishes
OLD GARAGEMEN never die, they just retire OLD GENEALOGISTS never die, they just degenerate OLD GEOLOGISTS never die, they just recrystalize OLD GHOST TOWNS never die, they become desolate OLD GOLFERS never die, they just lose their drive OLD GRAPHIC ARTISTS never die, they just de-rez OLD GYMNASTS never die, they just take longer to mount
OLD HAMS never die, they just get grounded OLD HARDWARE ENGINEERS never die, they just cache in their chips OLD HELSINKI TOURISTS never die, they just vanish into Finn Air OLD HIKERS never die, they just trail away OLD HIPPIES never die, they just smell that way OLD HOCKEY PLAYERS never die, they just achieve their final goal OLD HOMEBREWERS never die, they just ferment away OLD HUNTERS never die, they just stay loaded OLD HYPOCHONDRIACS never die, they just imagine it OLD HYPOCHONDRIACS never die, they just lose their grippe
OLD INTERPRETERS (for the deaf) never die, they just sign off OLD INVESTORS never die, they just roll over
OLD JOCKEYS never die, they just go horse OLD JOE-KS never die, they just get retold by the young OLD JOURNALISTS never die, they just get de-pressed
OLD KAYAKERS never die, they just roll back over, and do it again OLD KEY PUNCH OPERATORS never die, they just punch out OLD KIDS never die, they just adulterate OLD KIDS never die, they just grow up OLD KNIGHTS IN CHAIN MAIL never die, they just shuffle off their metal coils
OLD LASER PHYSICISTS never die, they just become incoherent OLD LAWYERS never die, they just lose their appeal OLD LAWYERS never die, they just lose their briefs OLD LIBRARIANS never die, they just check out OLD LIBRARIANS never die, they just get re-shelved OLD LIBRARIANS never die, they just lose their references OLD LIGHT BULBS never die, they just de-light OLD LIMBO DANCERS never die, they just go under
OLD MAGICIANS never die, they just disappear OLD MAGICIANS never die, they just they're just fooling themselves OLD MATH TEACHERS never die, they just reduce to lowest terms OLD MATHEMATICIANS never die, they just disintegrate OLD MATHEMATICIANS never die, they just go off on a tangent OLD MATHEMATICIANS never die, they just lose some functions OLD MECHANICS never die, they just lose their bearings OLD MEDIUMS never die, they are just visiting their friends OLD MERCENARIES never die, they find someone else to take their place OLD MERCENARIES never die, they just go to hell to regroup OLD METEORS never die, they just burn up OLD MILKMAIDS never die, they just lose their whey OLD MINISTERS never die - they just go out to pastor OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just decompose OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just get played out OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just go from bar to bar
OLD NUCLEAR POWER PLANTS never die, they just go off-line OLD NUMERICAL ANALYSTS never die, they just get disarrayed OLD NURSES never die, they just get enemated
OLD OPTOMESTRISTS never die, they just speculate OLD OWLS never die, they just don't give a hoot
OLD PACIFISTS never die, they just go to peaces OLD PARADOXES never die, they just become enigmas OLD PHOTOGRAPHERS never die, they get sent to the old focus home OLD PHOTOGRAPHERS never die, they just stop developing OLD PILOTS never die, they just buzz off OLD PILOTS never die, they just go to a higher plane OLD PLANETS never die, they just lose their attraction OLD PLASTIC never dies, they just recycle it OLD PLUMBERS never die, they just go down the drain OLD POLICEMEN never die, they just cop out OLD POSTAL CARRIERS never die, they just lose their zip OLD PRINTERS never die, they're just not the type OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just byte it OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just decompile OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just get bugged with life OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just go to bits OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just lose their memory OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just move to new addresses OLD PROGRAMMING WIZARDS never die, they just recurse OLD PROPANE TANKS never die, they just run out of gas
OLD QUARTERBACKS never die, they just fade back and pass away OLD QUILTERS never die, they just go to pieces OLD QUILTERS never die, they just go under cover
OLD RADIOS never die, they just stop receiving OLD RAILROADERS never die, they just derail OLD RAIN PUDDLES never die, they just dry up
OLD SAILORS never die, they just get a little dinghy OLD SAILORS never die, they just lose their porpoise OLD SALESMEN never die, they just go out of commission OLD SCHOOLS never die, they just lose their principals OLD SCIENTISTS never die, they just gravitate OLD SCOTS never die, but they can be kilt OLD SCULPTORS never die, they just lose their marbles OLD SEAMSTRESSES never die, they just come to the point OLD SEERS never die, they just lose their vision OLD SEWAGE WORKERS never die, they just waste away OLD SHOEMAKERS never die, they just lose their sole OLD SKIERS never die, but they go downhill fast OLD SOCCER PLAYERS never die, they just achieve their final goal OLD SOCCER PLAYERS never die, they just lose their kick OLD SOLDIERS never die, young ones do OLD SOURDOUGHS never die, they just ferment away OLD SPELUNKERS never die, they just cave in OLD STEELMAKERS never die, they just lose their temper OLD STUDENTS never die, they just get degraded OLD SURFERS never die, they just get board OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just fall off their blocks OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just have a stroke OLD SYSTEM USERS never die, they just chdir to NULL
OLD TANNERS never die, they just go into hiding OLD TAPE DISPENSERS never die, they just get used up OLD TEACHERS never die, they just lose their class OLD TELEPHONES never die, they just stop ringing OLD THERMODYNAMICISTS never die, they just achieve their state of maximum entropy OLD TIRE TUBES never die, they just get punctured OLD TRASH never dies, they just bury it OLD TRIGONOMETRY TEACHERS never die, they just lose their identities OLD TROMBONISTS never die - they just slide away OLD TRUCK DRIVERS never die; they just get a new Peterbilt OLD TV SOAP STARS never die, they become pathetic
OLD USENETTERS never die, they just become unresponsive
OLD VACATIONERS never die, they just don't come back OLD VINTNERS never die, they just ferment away OLD VIOLINISTS never die, they just become unstrung OLD VOICEMAIL SYSTEMS never die, they just stop answering OLD WANTS never die, they become needs OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just run out of time OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just unwind OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just wind down OLD WEATHERMEN never die, they reign forever OLD WHITE WATER RAFTERS never die, they just get disgorged OLD WOOL COATS never die, they just become mothballed OLD WRESTLERS never die, they just lose their grip
OLD YACHTSMEN never die, they just keel over
WALT DISNEY didn't die, he's in suspended animation
Keeping you informed, entertained, amused.. and Spam Free Buy, Sell, or Trade on Moncton.net. Moncton's Free Classifieds http://www.moncton.net/classifieds/ "The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein -
|
|
-
09-07-2006, 12:58 PM |
|
-
Paladin
-
-
Moderator in Residence
-
Posts 7,725
-

|

Keeping you informed, entertained, amused.. and Spam Free Buy, Sell, or Trade on Moncton.net. Moncton's Free Classifieds http://www.moncton.net/classifieds/ "The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein -
|
|
-
09-07-2006, 1:06 PM |
|
-
Paladin
-
-
Moderator in Residence
-
Posts 7,725
-

|
Robin William's Peace Plan
Robin William's Peace Plan How the U.S. will become self-sufficient & energy wise...
1.) The U.S. will apologize to the world for our "interference" in their affairs, past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic and the rest of those 'good ole boys,' We will never "interfere" again.
2.) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea and the Philippines. They don't want us there. We would station those troops at our borders. No one sneaking through holes in the fence.
3.) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave. We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of who or where they are. France would welcome them.
4.) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit. No one from a terrorist nation would be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.
5.) No foreign "students" over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a "D" and it's back home baby.
6.) The U.S. will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing nonpolluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while.
7.) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go some place else They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.)
8.) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not "interfere." They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if anything.
9.) Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island some place. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.
10.) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us "Ugly Americans" any longer. The Language we speak is ENGLISH... learn it... or LEAVE... Now, isn't that a winner of a plan.
The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'You want a piece of me?'
Keeping you informed, entertained, amused.. and Spam Free Buy, Sell, or Trade on Moncton.net. Moncton's Free Classifieds http://www.moncton.net/classifieds/ "The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein -
|
|
-
09-07-2006, 1:10 PM |
|
-
Paladin
-
-
Moderator in Residence
-
Posts 7,725
-

|
Terrorist 'Catch and Release' Program
Terrorist 'Catch and Release' Program U.S. Navy releases terrorist in a truly humanitarian gesture...
The U.S. Navy today announced that it has released a senior Al Quaeda terrorist after questioning his extensively for 27 days while being held prisoner aboard a U.S. aircraft carrier (USS Enterprise) in the Arabian Sea.
In a humanitarian gesture, the terrorist was given $50 U.S. and a white 1965 Ford Fairlane automobile upon being released from custody.
The attached photo (taken by Navy photographers aboard the Enterprise) shows the terrorist on his way home just after being released by the Navy.
Advice has it that the Navy has 472 '65 Ford Fairlanes on inventory - ex staff cars...

Keeping you informed, entertained, amused.. and Spam Free Buy, Sell, or Trade on Moncton.net. Moncton's Free Classifieds http://www.moncton.net/classifieds/ "The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein -
|
|
-
09-07-2006, 1:12 PM |
|
-
Paladin
-
-
Moderator in Residence
-
Posts 7,725
-

|
Triple Blade Razor for Terrorist Conversion

Keeping you informed, entertained, amused.. and Spam Free Buy, Sell, or Trade on Moncton.net. Moncton's Free Classifieds http://www.moncton.net/classifieds/ "The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein -
|
|
-
09-07-2006, 1:14 PM |
|
-
Paladin
-
-
Moderator in Residence
-
Posts 7,725
-

|
The American War Card..

Keeping you informed, entertained, amused.. and Spam Free Buy, Sell, or Trade on Moncton.net. Moncton's Free Classifieds http://www.moncton.net/classifieds/ "The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein -
|
|
-
09-07-2006, 7:45 PM |
|
-
Paladin
-
-
Moderator in Residence
-
Posts 7,725
-

|
Stabity Stab Stab
A young Hezballa soldier, just before battle, told his sergeant that he didn't have a rifle. "That's no problem, son," said the sergeant. "Here, take this broom. Just point it at the Israelis, and go 'Bangety Bang Bang'." "But what about a bayonet, Sarge?" asked the young (and gullible) recruit. The sergeant pulls a piece of straw from the end of the broom, and attaches it to the handle end. "Here, use this... just go, 'Stabity Stab Stab'."
The recruit ends up alone on the battlefield, holding just his broom. Suddenly, a Israeli soldier charges at him. The recruit points the broom. "Bangety Bang Bang!" The Israeli falls dead. More Israelis appear. The recruit, amazed at his good luck, goes "Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!" He mows down the enemy by the dozens. Finally, the battlefield is clear, except for one Israeli soldier walking slowly toward him. "Bangety Bang Bang! shouts the recruit. The Israeli keeps coming. "Bangety Bang Bang!" repeats the recruit, to no avail. He gets desperate. "Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!"
It's no use. The Israeli keeps coming. He stomps the recruit into the ground, and says...
"Tankety Tank Tank."
Keeping you informed, entertained, amused.. and Spam Free Buy, Sell, or Trade on Moncton.net. Moncton's Free Classifieds http://www.moncton.net/classifieds/ "The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein -
|
|
-
09-07-2006, 8:01 PM |
|
-
Paladin
-
-
Moderator in Residence
-
Posts 7,725
-

|
1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.
3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.
4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.
5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.
7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.
8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.
9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.
11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.
12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.
13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.
14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made.
15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.
16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.
17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.
18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.
19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.
20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.
21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.
22. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.
23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not subject to appeal.
24. The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago.
Keeping you informed, entertained, amused.. and Spam Free Buy, Sell, or Trade on Moncton.net. Moncton's Free Classifieds http://www.moncton.net/classifieds/ "The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein -
|
|
-
09-07-2006, 8:08 PM |
|
-
Paladin
-
-
Moderator in Residence
-
Posts 7,725
-

|
A lot of folks can't understand how the U.S. came to have an oil shortage.
The simple answer is that nobody bothered to check the oil… They didn't know they were getting low...
The reason for this is purely geographical. All the oil is in Alaska, Oklahoma, Texas, Louisiana, Wyoming… All the dipsticks are in Washington, D.C.
Keeping you informed, entertained, amused.. and Spam Free Buy, Sell, or Trade on Moncton.net. Moncton's Free Classifieds http://www.moncton.net/classifieds/ "The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein -
|
|
-
09-07-2006, 8:16 PM |
|
-
Paladin
-
-
Moderator in Residence
-
Posts 7,725
-

|
New Year's Terrorist Alert
To: Dept. of Homeland Security
Dear Sirs:
I am writing to you for further instructions to what the next step is for me to take in protecting my family from possible attacks by terrorists.
I still have my duck taped - from last year's terrorist alert...

... now what?
Keeping you informed, entertained, amused.. and Spam Free Buy, Sell, or Trade on Moncton.net. Moncton's Free Classifieds http://www.moncton.net/classifieds/ "The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein -
|
|
-
09-07-2006, 8:49 PM |
|
-
Paladin
-
-
Moderator in Residence
-
Posts 7,725
-

|
Little Zachary was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything. Tutors, Mentors, flash cards, Special learning centers. In short, everything they could think of to help his math.
Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother hello.
Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed.She called him down to dinner.
To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before. This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.
Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card.
He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books. With great trepidation, his Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, Little Zachary got an "A" in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said, "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?" Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no. "Well, then," she replied, Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms?
"WHAT WAS IT ALREADY?"
Little Zachary looked at her and said, "Well, on the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around."
Keeping you informed, entertained, amused.. and Spam Free Buy, Sell, or Trade on Moncton.net. Moncton's Free Classifieds http://www.moncton.net/classifieds/ "The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein -
|
|
-
09-22-2006, 8:57 PM |
|
-
Paladin
-
-
Moderator in Residence
-
Posts 7,725
-

|
Friends don't let friends take home ugly men
Women's restroom Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE
Beauty is only a light switch away.
Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, NC
If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life,
then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives.
Armand's Pizza, Washington, DC
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
The Bayou, Baton Rouge , LO
No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick
and tired of putting up with her ***.
Men's Room Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill , NC
At the feast of ego everyone leaves hungry.
Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson, AZ
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
Written in the dust on the back of a bus, Wickenburg, AZ
Make love, not war. -Hell, do both GET MARRIED!
Women's restroom The Filling Station, Bozeman, MT
If voting could really change things, it would be illegal. Revolution Books New York , New York .
If pro is opposite of con,then what is the opposite of progress? Congress!
Men's restroom House of Representatives, Washington , DC
Express Lane: Five beers or less Sign over one of the urinals Ed Debevic's, Phoenix, AZ
You're too good for him.
Sign over mirror in Women's restroom Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills ,CA
No wonder you always go home alone.
Sign over mirror in Men's restroom, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills ,CA
~~~ and perhaps the most realistic one ~~~
Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it
Women's restroom Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, TX
Keeping you informed, entertained, amused.. and Spam Free Buy, Sell, or Trade on Moncton.net. Moncton's Free Classifieds http://www.moncton.net/classifieds/ "The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein -
|
|
-
09-22-2006, 8:59 PM |
|
-
Paladin
-
-
Moderator in Residence
-
Posts 7,725
-

|
Why we split up
She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and I'd have to quit.
Then I caught her spending $65.00 on make-up.
And I asked how come I had to give up stuff and not her.
She said she needed the make-up to look pretty for me
I told her that was what the beer was for.
I don't think she's coming back.....
Keeping you informed, entertained, amused.. and Spam Free Buy, Sell, or Trade on Moncton.net. Moncton's Free Classifieds http://www.moncton.net/classifieds/ "The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein -
|
|
-
09-22-2006, 9:02 PM |
|
-
Paladin
-
-
Moderator in Residence
-
Posts 7,725
-

|
little girls R smarter that
A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet. The wagon is being pulled by her dog and her cat. The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration.
"Thanks" the girl says.
The firefighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. "Little Partner", the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar too,I think you could go faster."
The little girl replies thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."
Keeping you informed, entertained, amused.. and Spam Free Buy, Sell, or Trade on Moncton.net. Moncton's Free Classifieds http://www.moncton.net/classifieds/ "The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein -
|
|
-
09-22-2006, 9:03 PM |
|
-
Paladin
-
-
Moderator in Residence
-
Posts 7,725
-

|
A few of my Favourite Things
A Newfie saw a sign in a restaurant window.
It read:
"Happy hour special:
Lobster tail & Beer"
"Ah, ha "he says to himself ,
" Me 3 favourite things!"
Keeping you informed, entertained, amused.. and Spam Free Buy, Sell, or Trade on Moncton.net. Moncton's Free Classifieds http://www.moncton.net/classifieds/ "The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein -
|
|
Page 1 of 7 (97 items)
1 ...
|