Moncton Forum

The following is a  public service message for women to better understand men.

Can't find a Bra..
 

A very flat chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out to the mall in search of
one in her size.

She entered an upscale department store and approached the saleslady in lingerie, "Do you have a
size 28AAA-AAA-AAA bra?"

The clerk haughtily replied in the negative, so Twiggy left the store and proceeded to another
department store where she is rebuffed in much the same manner.

After a third try at another department store in the mall, she had become disgusted. Leaving the
mall, she drove to K-Mart. Marching up to the sales clerk, she unbuttoned and threw open her
blouse, yelling, "Do you have anything for this?"

The lady looked closely at her and replied, "Have you tried Clearasil?"

Pre-flight announcements .

Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:


On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

*****************************
"On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

*******************************
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."

****************************
"Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

*******************************
"After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as heck everything has shifted."

**********************************
From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

***************************
"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."

*****************************
Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

*********************************
"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

***********************
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

We gratefully acknowledge the hard work and efforts by the original reporters and news mediums, to bring these reports to our attention. Our aim is to bring these stories/reports as much exposure as possible and credit those who provided them.

Canadian Crime News
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810

An Amish woman was driving her buggy to town when a Police Officer stopped her.

  "I'm not going to cite you," said the Officer, "I just wanted to warn you
  that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be  dangerous."

  "I thank thee", replied the Amish lady. "I shall have my husband repair it  as soon as I return home."

  "Also," said the officer, "I noticed one of your reins to your horse is wrapped around his testicles.

Canadian Crime News
http://groups.msn.com/CanadianCrimeNews/
http://moncton101.spaces.live.com

http://groups.msn.com/Moncton101/
http://groups.msn.com/MonctonsSingleAdults
http://groups.msn.com/NBsingles
http://groups.msn.com/LifelineGreaterMoncton 

crime beat, police beat, Moncton, Moncton101, Atlantic Canada, Halifax, Fredericton, Saint John, Dartmouth,Canadian Crime News,Sex Offence Charges,Sex Offenders, Registry
                                
Moncton buy, sell, trade, Give away & Looking for,Yard & Garage Sales, Coupon Exchange, Local Events, 4 & 2 Rent, People Locater, F.Y.I., Crime Beat, Moncton101 buy sell trade, Promote your abilities, And much more.

899

One night, after a couple had retired for the night, the woman became aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual manner.

 He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly.

   Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist.

    He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other.His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs.

His gentle probing then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and the returned to do the same to her right thigh.

 By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself.

The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed. 'Why are you stopping darling?' she whispered.

He whispered back, 'I found the remote.'

`   `   `   `   `   `   `   `   `   `
Police in New Zealand were mystified by the apparent theft of a complete toilet bowl from a police station in Auckland.

When a local news reporter asked the police sergeant if they had any developements, he replied,

 "At present we have nothing to go on."

`   `   `   `   `   `   `   `   `   `
One day an employee came in to work with both of his ears bandaged.

When his boss asked him what happened, he explained: "Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and I accidentally answered the iron instead of the phone!"

"Well," the boss said, "that explains one ear, but what about the other?"

"They called back!"

Life and Sex After Death
 
A couple made a deal that whomever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife.

Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife.
 
After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.

 True to his word he made contact, "Connie....Connie."
 
"Is that you, Joe?"
 
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
 
"That's wonderful! What's it like?"
 
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course.

I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun, and then have sex a couple of more times.

Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens) another romp around the golf course,

then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon.

 After supper, it's back to golf course again.

Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again."
 
"Oh, Joe you surely must be in Heaven!"
 
"Not exactly...

I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona."

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