We've all heard the stories: "His mother called him during the date to see how it was going," or how about, "She actually hit on a guy at the table next to us." If you're a chronic bad first-dater, these often-humorous experiences are all-too familiar.
Instead of repeating the same mistakes over and over again, resolve to break the cycle of bad first dates. It's easier than you think.
Pre-screen, Pre-screen, Pre-screen
This may sound unromantic, but some advance screening can seriously cut down on bad dates. Magazine writer, Kate, aged 22, accepted a date from someone she barely knew. She quickly discovered that they had nothing in common during a torturous 3-hour conversation "about his cottage, his boat collection, his downtown apartment, his 50-inch plasma TV, and his DVD player." Get to know your date a little by exchanging emails or brief phone calls beforehand. Talk about their interests and hobbies. You'll quickly know if you're peanut butter and jelly or the Titanic and an iceberg. Trust your instincts. It'll save you both a wasted evening.
Check Your Attitude at the Door
Unrealistic expectations turn a date sour faster than close-talking with bad breath. Don't go into it looking for your soul mate. Even if you don't walk down the aisle, you might meet someone new and interesting. Says 39-year-old actor, John, "If your only expectation is to relax and enjoy yourself, enjoy her company, and get to know the person sitting with you, the date can't fail."
Let's Talk About Sex
Expecting your evening to culminate in a steamy sexual encounter is a sure-fire way to sabotage it. You'll measure everything against your chances of getting laid and anything less will disappoint. Follow Ben Stiller's example in There's Something About Mary and release some sexual tension before going out. Taking matters into your own hands helps get sex off your mind, and puts you in a good mood to boot (just be sure to check your hair before leaving the house).
Dinner and a Movie
Instead of dinner and a movie, make a plan that involves something you've always wanted to try. Activities take the pressure off of conversation. It's much easier to chat between turns on the flying trapeze than to stare into each other's eyes over dinner and come up with things to say. And, even if the person is a dud, jousting them from their horse will give you some satisfaction. You can't lose. Dinner dates can also raise awkward expectations for after-dinner drinks (and more). Why not stick to a daytime activity, coffee, or lunch? If things go well, it will turn into dinner (and more) all by itself.
Another Thing About Me.
We spend our lives talking, so conversation should be a snap. Sadly, dates turn normally coherent people into blathering idiots. Thirty-year-old business consultant, Jackie, instantly lost interest in her date after hearing about the previous weekend when "he played truth or dare with a bunch of girls and let them shave his scrotum." Was it any surprise that she went home early? This is your time to learn about a potential partner and to show them who you are. Ask questions about them and LISTEN to the answers. Avoid talking about religion, politics, sex, and, above all, ex-relationships.
The Great Escape
Despite the best precautions, you'll still have dud dates. Make the best of it, end it when you can, and be honest about a second date. If it's so bad that you're contemplating soft tissue organ damage to avoid another minute, then it's time to activate your escape plan. Have a friend call at a pre-arranged time during your date. Transform them into any work or family emergency that requires your leaving the table, bar, city, state, or country immediately and for as long as it takes for your date to forget you ever lived. If you suspect that the great escape is being perpetrated on you, remember that real emergencies do happen. Be polite and express your condolences. Getting angry at a real emergency will harpoon your chances of a second date.
Try and Try Again
This is really important. Don't let bad dates get you down. It's just one date. Learn from it and move on. These techniques will help you avoid some bad first dates and survive the ones you still end up on, but the truth is that you have to kiss more than one frog to find a prince. Start kissing.
It's my life and I love it!!
