When you are single and dating, the experience seems comparable to shopping for that perfect outfit - you're searching for the one look, or in this case, the one guy that will compliment and flatter you and of course, be of a great and recognizable quality.
Identifying a worthy man isn't quite as simple as spotting haut couture, however. When you lust after a pair of Manolo Blahniks you know, without a doubt, that you are looking at some of the most beautiful, artistic, and unique shoes in existence. But what about ascertaining the value of a man in those first few critical dates? Unfortunately, detecting long term potential can be difficult - how do you know you are seeing someone who intends to behave well beyond the first date?
Luckily, I happen to be friends with some truly amazing guys and after scrutinizing their patterns of behavior and considering my own experiences, I have some tips for the women who find playing detective difficult.
Courtship - It ExistsWhen a man is interested in you - in the long term and respects you - he will have a genuine interest in getting to know you and letting you get to know him. He will want to hear about the people and things that are important to you and will want to share those features of his life as well.
One of my male friends put it very concisely, when he said that if a guy is sincerely interested he will "survey the territory" and his taking it slow indicates that he is attracted to more than just your physical attributes. So take notice when the guy you're seeing is enjoying a certain level of flirtation. Remember to both expect and take pleasure in the long forgotten process of courtship.
The Little Big ThingsThe little big things can materialize many different ways, but are of the utmost importance. A quality man will remember past discussions and ask thoughtful questions. He then demonstrates that he has an interest in your life and can possibly see himself becoming a part of it.
For example, one of my best male friends remembered that his now girlfriend had said in passing that she had never tried sushi but wanted to. On their second date he surprised her by taking her to a sushi restaurant. Another friend bought flowers for the girl he was seeing for no reason at all. These guys demonstrated through their actions that they wanted to make the women they were seeing smile - is there anything more valuable than that?
ConsistencyThis one is as old as time, but warrants repeating: when a guy likes you he will call you when he says he will, be as close to punctual as he can muster, and get back to you in a reasonable amount of time.
It's simple - when a guy is really into you he will do everything in his power to fulfill any promise he may have made, however small, and satisfy every expectation you may have. He will not want to disappoint you and if he does, his explanation will come shortly thereafter and it will be damn good.
AffectionLet's face it - when a man is interested in you he will most likely find you attractive and will want to get his hands on you, something you may not entirely mind. Note that this point does not contradict the first. Affection is not the same thing as groping. He will not try to sleep with you on the first date, or put you in any compromising situation.
What to look for is a hand on the small of your back, a kiss on your cheek, and your hand held firmly in his. These gestures are the first steps towards intimacy and will demonstrate that more than wanting to be physical with you, your date is fond of you as well. They will make you feel beautiful, desirable, and protected. Good deal.
Vocalization (i.e. compliments)
Another basic point that is often forgotten - a man will, unless he is cripplingly shy, find a way to vocally express his interest in you. This one can get a little tricky because it may be more subtle then a "you look beautiful tonight," which any Don Juan will profess. Listen for a mention of how excited he is to be dating you, congratulations on something you have accomplished, and gushing about who you are.
Warning: Some are More Sly Than They Appear
Even though these five tips will undoubtedly help you to recognize a great man, a crafty one can always find loopholes. Many men manipulate women by giving them what they assume they want.
Beware of guys who seem to be putting on a show. You want your interaction to feel natural and genuine; not manufactured. Also avoid men who fawn over you, agree with everything you say, and hoist you up on a pedestal so high that you can't see the ground. You do not want a needy boyfriend, you want a partner who is self-assured.
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finding that perfect manDespite the fact that some guys try to use our own expectations against us, many wouldn't want to, let alone know how. When you are single it is easy to forget that chivalry and romance aren't dead. Isn't it worth waiting for a man who remembers?
It's my life and I love it!!
