Moncton Forum

The Daily News,Halifax

http://www.hfxnews.ca/index.cfm?sid=31027&sc=89 

HEATHER SAWERS

Life is expensive. Recent university graduates are often weighed down with student loans and lines of credit, and entry-level positions are rarely high-paying.

If their parents were helping them out while they were a student, they're suddenly on their own - struggling to pay for rent, bills, and groceries for the first time in their life.

And when life gives them lemons, some people choose to mix up a batch of lemonade - in their parents' kitchen. Whether it's due to financial problems or emotional problems, a growing number of young Maritimers are moving back in with the 'rents.

"Financial difficulties is No. 1 reason," said Anne Milan, who co-authored several Statistics Canada studies on the trend of moving back home. "That's followed by end of the school year, end of a job, end of a relationship, and if they finished a program or quit school."

Milan says in 1981, about 27 per cent of adults aged 20 to 29 lived at home. In 2001, that amount had shot up to 41 per cent. "It seems this is related to what's going on in the economy," Milan said. "For regions that are not doing as well economically, there's a higher tendency to be at home."

David Mensink, a psychologist from Dalhousie Student Counselling Services, says with tuition costs skyrocketing, it's harder for young adults to afford to move out - and stay out.

"I don't think it has anything to do with pscyhological development - it's more practical. They just don't have enough money for a place of their own," Mensink said.

It sounds like a pretty sweet deal: on-site laundry facilities, home-cooked meals, and a rent-free room. Mensink says while some young adults fit back into their family "like a hand in a glove," moving back in with Mom and Dad can be very difficult for others.

"They've kind of created and developed a life of their own - a different system - away from the parental household," Mensink said. "In university, people become more independent, responsible adults, and going back into the parents' household is taking a step backwards into a previous system."

Referred to as "boomerang kids" - because they soar out into the world and then return to their starting place - these young adults usually find their taste of freedom being tainted with curfews, chores, and minimal privacy.

"They're much more restricted," Mensink said. "They're not as free to do the kinds of things that they would want to do."

But the boomerang kid isn't the only person who will be feeling the effects; parents and siblings in the house have to adjust to having them at home again.

"Say you've got three different chemicals, and you take one out - you've got a different compound," Mensink explained. "If you add another one back - and it's a different one than was there before - the system is different. It makes it really hard, and it shakes things up a bit."

Even after the initial adjustment, having adult children permanently parked in the basement isn't all happy family dinners and freshly-folded laundry - a recent Statistics Canada study shows 31 per cent of those parents argued about money, chores, and the kids, compared to 21 per cent of parents whose children had all moved out.

But a boomerang kid is not the same as a twenty- or thirty-something child who has never moved out on their own. In the 2006 flick Failure to Launch, Sarah Jessica Parker plays a woman hired to get a 35-year-old man (played by Matthew McConaughey) to move out of his parents' house.


But don't start panicking at the idea of all your kids coming and going until well into their 30s.

The data shows that kids who grew up in small towns or were raised in single-parent or step-parent families were less likely to boomerang, and Mensink says wanting to live at home beyond your early 20s is against our nature.

"There comes a time when you're 18, 19, or 20, and you just want to go out on your own. It's just developmentally natural," Mensink said.

But that can be complicated when Mom and Dad are the ones unable to let go.

"I don't give advice to students, but one thing I might work with them on is how to negotiate their independence in a non-upsetting way," Mensink said.

"I've seen people who will move into their parents house, but will (occasionally) crash at their friend's place or their partner's place. It's kind of like easing that transition."

And Mensink's advice for the tearful parents?

"I'd say 'Let them go. It's a natural, normal thing, and your kids are fine,'" Mensink said. "It's hard to let go of Suzie, but let her fly."

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