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Quotes by Groucho Marx

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

~ Groucho Marx


I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

~ Groucho Marx


Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

~ Groucho Marx


I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

~ Groucho Marx


I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.

~ Groucho Marx


A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

~ Groucho Marx


I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

~ Groucho Marx


Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

~ Groucho Marx


I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

~ Groucho Marx


It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

~ Groucho Marx


A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

~ Groucho Marx


All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

~ Groucho Marx


Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

~ Groucho Marx


Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

~ Groucho Marx


I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.

~ Groucho Marx


Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

~ Groucho Marx


Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.

~ Groucho Marx


Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

~ Groucho Marx


A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

~ Groucho Marx


A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

~ Groucho Marx


Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

~ Groucho Marx


I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

~ Groucho Marx


All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

~ Groucho Marx


Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

~ Groucho Marx


Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

~ Groucho Marx


Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

~ Groucho Marx


Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

~ Groucho Marx


I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.

~ Groucho Marx


Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

~ Groucho Marx


Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

~ Groucho Marx


All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

~ Groucho Marx


Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

~ Groucho Marx


A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

~ Groucho Marx

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